some personal thoughts…got to the spot where I remembered that inevitable moment of self forgiveness.

The one I come back to, though I resist. till I do not. when I reached that spot a little while ago, I thought of you, of sharing that with you.

as a point of personal gratitude, I am so appreciative of the syb – I can give to myself along a wide spectrum, emotional and physical. I get to relax…really relax…well I know I will relax deeper when it’s a man. I feel myself getting ready for that. wim put it to me directly – that taking penetration would be about surrendering to the man using me for his pleasure, and loving it. he would do it to me. I know I have that open. I crave the taste of his semen.

sitting here…alone in blue, I left jonah home…so I am really with myself alone…everything is ready…one change I made is I moved the sybian closer to the mirror…I look and I also want to see, I catch glimpses. I have reached the point several times where it’s such gorgeous lovemaking: I kneel up and rock my pelvis. There are so many possibilities of what to feel. then I make myself open my eyes and notice who it is, and be grateful for the man giving that to me.