Just as Beautiful

just as beautiful.

I would be very happy first to smell you for a while…and if you’re willing, do slip in and drink.


i have only ever fucked a man (his ass) with my tongue. bit of finger. most men seem very titchy about going into that area of their desire. i understand the complications. it’s complicated… I’M not gay!!!!!. OK. But let’s have the conversation beyond that wall. BECAUSE YOU LIKE THIS. This is pleasure and it’s good.

and from my personal perspective, i confess on this topic that it seems like they want more… they have barriers and i have a fear of hurting them that i have not quite got over. though i have been shown that this fear is ridiculous mostly. and i know it as well. having had my ass fucked in a variety of ways. i know what feels good…(in my world, anyway) which seems to be intuitive knowledge of the body… so it’s sorting that out and allowing for a safe place. To feel the pleasure and the release. Trusting the person will be flowing into your pleasure…

for me, anything involving ass… melts barriers. but how to pass that final line where it is ok if you like my tongue deep in your ass, or caressing the outer limits of your true desire with my tongue…. to fucking your ass with a dildo… I have never been able to cross over.

as for cunnilingus… … i’ll leave that for another time. i’ll just say that the experience i have had have been worshipful. and whoa… but that in itself is complex. conversation around receiving etc. and certainly, i have had more than one man say he was compensating, had to learn that to make up for the other. kind of twisted and hurtful for all.

Ii admit i am still bound, i think, heavily, by reciprocity. and i would like that to move out beyond the measuring stick. FUCK.

some of this may have made sense.

libido drop is a topic i have been engaged in, recently…on the periphery. i need to understand this more deeply.

time to sleep. i have a big day tomorrow.

much love.

i would like to continue this conversation.


t.b.c goodnight!


it may be hormonal…

before describe this, know that the cum spattered mirror is a bridge across libido drop.

before and after ejaculation can feel very different…incredible pressure leading up to release and then this freefall feeling into…it could be anything…sometimes easy and loving and also depressive or empty. Combine this with the desire to drink one’s own semen before ejaculation and then evaporates as the orgasm passes.

As I explored this, I gradually figured out that these two states were like different aspects of the psyche…and I recognized that I had a kind of split that I began a long experiment in healing. Getting my cum into my mouth when I want it is an emotional reflection of the split healing.

I’ve had two or three main ways I’ve kept my desire hot, after the cum was there…one is to have a woman talk me through it.

Then I discovered the cum-upon mirror. Natural enough to cum on the mirror, if it’s there, but not so intuitive to lick off dry cum. But I figured out that it’s hotter than hot. The best time to do it is when I’m going toward orgasm and getting thirsty for myself, into that slightly frenzied state when it’s all good…and I get my tongue on the glass. and work myself into a new frenzy. eventually I know I’ll cum…maybe onto my hand, maybe onto the glass. most of the time when I have a mirror the vision of the old spatters is so hot that I just have to let go there again. And I can take it right then if I want it, or leave it. And have it when I want it.


the satyr sucking her out, if that’s what he is, reminds me to tell you that cunnilingus is my sexual religion. I know it seems like masturbation is, however my deeper truth is that, in a sense, I live to suck cunt. I have not found the perfect lover for this – someone who understands and gets werry wet to the idea.


my other ass proclivity is licking chick’s assholes. the hotter the woman the more my mind goes to her ass first. sometimes in a flash.

when I sucked off wim part of the phantasy leading up to it over and over was licking out his ass. partly self serving because I know for me once I’ve had my ass licked for a while my body releases a lot more semen, and that’s what I wanted.


would you like to know the relationship between fucking my ass and drinking my cum?

I’ll take a chance that you do…as you may know, the self-cum-drinking paradox is wanting it till you cum, then you have it and don’t want it…a lot of men describe this libido drop. for me part of learning to stay hot enough to still want my cum once I had it was to penetrate my ass. once I had ejaculated I was still sitting there with my ass fucked and that was so hot I would still want myself. feels really, really good to ejaculate penetrated. The other night I let go just as orgasm was imminent and had the pleasure of being pushed into orgasm by the sensation of penetration…and came holding the mirror with both hands…so good


so do I.mine us fucked at the moment, and at any time I can take out the plug and ride that thing. I have a mirror here with your name on it and I thought I would…finish it off…so it’s funny you should drop in


so many million ways evocative… but one of my first thoughts was that this photo reminded me on one of my favourite paintings. artur fischer – lechery. (attached.) the artist is difficult to track as is info about him… but i’ve always taken the painting to be a Very Good Moment. (could be back then is was supposed to be Bad. but that’s not how I read it.) and then departing from there… the look in your eyes… there is a lot in that painting. much in that photo.

maybe when it gets a wee bit warmer i shall have occasion to play around with taking photos… or better yet, draw someone in to take some. who knows. i have a few months. i am currently not able to imagine being naked. unless i am hopping into a very hot bath. second photo attached is the coldest day in our city. (by a friend.) though some nights, with enough blankets and i get it into my mind that i can be a profligate with the fuel… I ramp up the furnace and get naked. i love being naked.

i have dreamed (literally, dreamscape) of fucking you. that’s one on the images, also, that comes up when you mention fucking yourself with the sybian. (not, you know, to take over what you are doing. just a flash of dreams i have had.)

insertion issues. haha. re: both (of many) images that surge up.


please don’t take this the wrong way. but i just laughed for real for the first time in three days. seriously. you just fucked your way through the frigid with red-written words and a device that i find intriguing and strange and a total turn-on.

good sexy laughter, fyi. i hope that got across.


yes it did.


warming up my studio so I can get naked and fuck my Sybian in the mirror.


here were the two emails I sent around when I took that photo of the candle-lit mirror. each to a different woman. on the mirror I am going to send to you, the most recent release was the orgasm resulting from the scenario in blue, below. When you receive it, the topmost layer will be about you, to you, for you. letting to to knowing I am about to send it.

here are those emails.


(to kano)

beyond all and deepest, thank you for the honor of smelling and licking your asshole, and breathing deeply for so long near your cunt and licking you into a delicious space. I am in love with your inner labia. so dark and so full.

and yes I want to see you show yourself. you know I know – really show, we both know


and yes I want to put some of my used mirrors around me and show you what I do for myself. hear you talk about your fucking of other men. I accept that you openly chose not to fuck me as is your privilege and … that you will fuck your lover when you please … I want to milk my orgasm out of myself to the sight of your face, knowing you fuck and show you my mouth full of my semen to this truth.


(michelle a.)

I woke up early to put out pw. i was in my studio. First I needed to let go. I slipped out of the rest of my clothes & was naked and licked my palm and started to fuck my hand, with different potential scenarios to explore, so many, places and people to feel, and in the kaleidoscope I saw your face, and focused on you and revealed my face to you,

and was drawn into your eyes, into your eyes, into your eyes and moaned myself out.


Im too frozen-to-the-bone and shell-shocked at this moment to fully take this … (i don’t know what words to use even… sort of hot, living, energetic loop or exchange…) in.

except that i masturbated under the weight of ten (well.. 5) blankets this afternoon and no doubt this was one of the sparks that ignited me…

i am back to parsing out the pain around me and just… recuperating tonight.

much love. thanks for sharing this.


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