back to me
by which I mean, your feelings come down to you and how you feel about yourself. sometimes I remember this is all a long trip back to how I feel about myself.
here’s what I can tell you about what I do. I get myself into that spot where I simply must love myself where I am. I’ve explored using the jealousy compersion fire walk. the deepest mirror for me is the free woman making love, to whom she chooses. It is the couple making love & I am in their presence – mirroring.
In that moment I give up guilt and shame and self judgment and I dive into a singular truth about myself, that I am the one who must love me, and I choose to admit that love, accept myself and then focus the feeling sexually. This is the spot where it’s so good to make love to myself, in a conscious expression of giving and receiving.
said one fun way, I must love myself a lot to openly lick my dry cum off of a mirror.
now…here is the edge…sometimes I find this inner space, a room within myself, where I crave and am comfortable with giving up contact sex as a means to something profound. the surge of pleasure is incredible and I feel like I’m in truth…tapping into the ecstasy of that. my need to be surrounded by sexually free women in this spot is equally enticing and emotive. you are my heat source and reflection and confrontation with an essence of love.
I step into the entry foyer of a portal: looking into the knowledge that I access my deepest pleasure, healing and creativity as a mirror masturbator. Then I can feel grief at the loss of cunt, amidst my deep thirsty craving for cunt, her scent and her water. the sight of her. what love. then I slip into this deeper spot where I know I choose, and I receive the surge of pleasure again, of the core center of my being which is free choice.
and then
I crave woman drinking her lover’s semen.
and then
I am moving through the world and enjoy femme everywhere. her presence, voice, vision, scent…and I take my opportunities to suck, lick and fuck her. with every woman I do this with…I also mirror myself (lick and watch) so that is a presence
and then
I retreat into that space of all-one ness again, and explore and lure and seduce myself into another moment of freedom, where I drink to the thought of :: ahh ohh yes this is where I am, where I belong; this is the hot pond. and one by one I create relationships where this is the truth. where I admit it with her, in the context of her choice and freedom to fuck while I mirror masturbate.
they suck and drink one another while I lick my spurts off of a mirror, and find my eyes there. and remember to look for love, and melt my cunnilingus into my mouth off of that glass.
I have chosen to be a mirror masturbator before you. I have chosen to openly heal my pain, guilt, abandonment before your witness.
I offer to support your quest for wholeness and freedom, and to mirror back to you my self embrace as man, as human as your reminder that you are free to fuck, free to choose, and love yourself wholly as you do.
I honor you as my fellow masturbator. my fellow self lover and self gifter. If ever you choose or wish to consider that being a masturbator is your chosen erotic path I offer you my love and witness in that choice.
you may go deeper into book of blue if you like – this will take you to an earlier set of diaries.. same login info. navigate the different threads on the bottom left side of the page, in the margin: prior threads.