To Patricia and Mark

Hi Patricia,


Essence is: man and woman together are my mirror.

I witness my creation. I feel the whole of creation in me as self-presence and as my desire to self-fulfill.

Woman is my mirror, my companion and my extension into femininity. My core phantasy is that I exist as a masturbator surrounded by the women I love sharing their sex with whomever they choose. I live out this scenario where I travel with myself this way. We’re mutually aware of one another. They know their fucking makes me thirsty to drink my own semen, and that it’s what I do.

Conveys me across the split — that moment when once I have my cum & I don’t want it. Or that disgust or shame. I decided I was going to cross that gap, and learn to lust for myself and gulp. Women held space for me to do this, for years. I explored displaying my thirst and talking about it to them, to myself, being naked and learning to be ever free with myself in her presence.

This evolved into surrendering contact sex with them, what I call celibacy masturbation, to embrace their union with others, and to go closer to myself. Mirror masturbate in the same room while they fuck. Masturbate facing them as they give to one another. Submit to solitude and make love to me.

One other thing vis a vis the split, the desire to drink my cum diminishing in the presence of my cum: I learned to let go onto a mirror, and to receive then if I want, or to gift myself in the future, when I am hot and thirsty again. Then I can lick, alone, or with a whore, or a friend, or a couple, and the universe, in front of myself.

Many mirrors. Many layers there.

And the core scenario is: I am a masturbator and the women around me fuck. I milk myself and drink my cum while they fuck freely. Deep inside I crave to show them my full mouth. Then to show him.

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