Here is the story. I tried it in the afternoon on the land…it acts fast and deep…the space is: hearing feels like it opens up into layers and it becomes kind of 3-D. vision is vivid…as if my mind is cleared of a fog…I stayed in my body the whole time (a bit more and you can go out)…as I peaked into that space, and felt, and felt nature.
I guided my thoughts like a hang glider to my core curiosity. In that feeling and expanded time-space, it occurred to me that I wanted in a ‘knowing’ way to ejaculate and drink myself while I was peaking; and that it would happen soon. I felt the craving in an enhanced way, and how that is part of my deepest nature.
In there I could feel: my masturbation is a world apart; I may enjoy and embrace any form of sex and my selflove making remains in integrity. When I go there it can be the only thing, my only path, and that’s true and beautiful while I am there — and it remains true no matter what else I do. The contradiction melted.
I knew I was going to suck myself in this space, awareness that came with an info packet for what to do: first bring myself out to the edge of orgasm several times, and retreat, and build out again. Be hard and full and full of myself, and collect my pleasure for when I do let go.
From that moment on I didn’t empty my prostate. I filled up — on fucking Maggie to multiples and not coming, out next to the stream; and masturbating myself there a few times, coming back from the edge, holding my pleasure. Then hours and hours went by. My liquid filled me, a hot ball gathering inside me, water inside my emotions…that delectable truth serum of self-desire.
Later that night I set the scene up. Maggie was super tired and a bit dreamy through the whole experience…present in a slightly aloof way, which gave me space to explore myself.
Mediating and sipping a little herb and feeling my desire; then I brought myself out to the edge and let myself back in, more than once, and spoke to myself and to us, and did that thing I love to do which is say the words, describe my thirst and my intent — facing that big black framed mirror…describe what I want.
I fucked my ass in a deep, full way and sat up on the penetration, with my back straight…in full view of myself. I teased myself hard and yearning and came as close to spilling my feelings as I could without letting go, breathed and backed off, leaning back, looking at myself naked there facing myself. My round gold-framed mirror was on the bed with me, which I tasted some times and let relax me into the inevitable.
Then i did it, I lit the chonga and drew in the strange stuff and gradually let it go and — the red purple of the studio lights was thicker and richer and I was aware of myself — and noticed myself witnessing my beauty, as if I could finally see my beauty in an objective way. I crested over into myself.
I said to myself in words, we drink our semen…and with that my body took over. I had the presence of mind to pick up the mirror, and gazed helplessly at the spattered semen as I throbbed and pulsed in the pleasure my thirst while creating milky life in hot strands. Vividly clear, reverberating with natural existence and feeling so good to pulse and moan outward. I looked up at my face and melted that first slight stun into acceptance and moaned.
I looked down between my knees dropped apart to witness with vivid clarity my pearlescent cords on the glass, that had been used so many times, vivid and honest, elegant, and I lifted the mirror to my mouth and gathered all that cum up on my tongue, looking for my eyes and seeing them in the shadowy light.
I held myself in my mouth. Facing myself and being seen doing so. I opened my mouth to myself and looked inside at the gob of white liquid, bursting with life, displaying both to myself and to another. Then I watched myself swallow. From a silent space off in the shadows, I was witnessed doing this.
I tried it again this morning…after an erotically exciting day with Zoe though not getting near her pussy — I heard this lovely former prude describes who she fucks and how much she loves to do it. Then I played into the night…worked myself up over and over again…cleaned mirrors…fully imbibing myself and the feeling of what it’s like to be with myself while affirming the pleasure of Zoe, who I love and crave, and my many female friends who seek their pleasure as you choose.
I listened to my heart beating with a stethoscope for a long time…watched my face as I did it…and finally passed out.
Then I woke up at about 5:30 this morning – a quiet Sunday morning – in my studio – and sat down naked in the mirror space. I worked myself up hard and erect again, yearning to let go. I smoked a threshold dose, maybe a bit more…and then I looked down at a round mirror, cum on and licked off many times and the visual cue alone sent me into orgasm as I peaked.
I came right onto that mirror again. Not as much as I would have liked though that’s what my body gave me, and I licked it back into myself and dove into bed holding my mouth full, breathing, and finally swallowed.
i just experienced the most exquisitely self-giving mirror licking I ever have. I found a new zone of sweetness and love for who I am, as well as what I do. I just went in and I could see myself as so beautiful. The semen I licked back as i watched was what I released Sunday evening after licking off most of what is shown in the first two photos. Melted buttery and salty into my mouth as my emotions yielded to what I was doing, receiving, what you were doing, receiving, being.
Receiving. From. Myself. In parallel universe to you taking penetration from your lover. I love that you have what you want. I love my urgency to understand myself & the light you hold into you and to me. I face myself in my mirror just then receive the truth that I am now giving myself just what I want — just what I say I want. I am with myself mirror masturbating while a woman I love explores herself in her freedom. We release one another into love and mutual awareness.
Lately my phantasies about you and hal have included how you accept that he will ejaculate only from masturbation, and you go with that – you take charge and direct the destiny of his semen, as he milks it out of himself, each time it happens.
I phantasise about you choosing where it goes, what happens to it, there are so many sweet destinies
Funny, he just left — though we did not have sex, we could have and so
wanted to and were in such a loving, aroused space.
It was a surprise visit after a class he takes Tuesday nights. He just
wanted to stop by for a few minutes to see me and kiss me, but I was about
to eat. So we ate and talked and kissed and turned each other on with such
loving and then primal touches.
But he knew I had this bit of work to finish up; and so he just left after
we got each other all turned on and…. It would have been so easy to take
his clothes off… and he said at one point he just wanted to toss me down
and taste me…
I could have fucked him so sweetly and urgently and it seems a shame not to
just go with that moment — but he did not want to keep me from finishing my
responsibilities — and neither did i… And damn, if only I could have
found a way into the article earlier, I might have gotten myself fucked
beautifully in this sticky, hot apartment.
I am so happy to know that you just had such a beautiful experience, eric.
It seems we were exponentially increasing the love in this world just now
together, you there with your mirror and me here with my lover — who is a
kind of mirror, I suppose.
As for Hal’s semen: you know I like licking it off of him. I would love to
take it all in my mouth again. And I would so love to have it shoot inside
of my cunt. That would feel amazing.
So many sweet destinies, indeed.
I am happy to know how well you are loving yourself, love.
:*
I’ve been mirror masturbating this evening too, a kind of date with myself. So luscious to feel your craving and your sharing. I have been mirror licking, writing, talking to myself…every shade of color in my self love scenario – within which – I love that you choose where his semen goes. Yes amanda you will take his full load into your mouth again. I know cus of how good that feels to hold in my heart. Luxurious that you two alone share this moment, this presence, such fulfilling intimacy. You want to drink his semen and I want to drink my semen. I say these words for the pleasure…all of them…we both want to drink semen.
As you may know what I get off to in you is your power of choice. Your freedom to say yes. That you do. I feel some beautiful experiences coming for you ms amanda jane love, i love all your hungers and how open you are with me about them.
what you’ve written below are among the most beautiful words ever said to me
==
I just drank a lot of my semen.
Long throbbing pulses and got it in my mouth while I was in my throes and swallowed fully right then.
From there I went deep into guilt and then drew myself out into self forgiveness.
Deep in that spot of self presence awareness looking at all the cum I had licked off my mirror deep and scented as cunnilingus and my belly full of fresh liquid, I promised myself to say “I forgive you Eric” out loud to myself every time I see my face in a mirror
Diving Three Times
These above are the stories of sex with myself on dmt. I tried it one additional time. I had collected my pleasure, might after morning, on a rectangular table top mirror. There was a lot of semen on it, dripping, drying out, collecting from the past week.
I was in my living room at home. I had a small amount of pure crystal. I had never tried it. This would be a lot more than I was accustomed to. I figured I had enough for two dives. I started modest, with less than half.
The world swished and came into focus and I looked down at the mirror on the table.