I have a sense of some of what you’ve struggled with in self-judgment. So to take Sunshine like that and get naked alone in front of yourself – that is bold.
For me it is necessary and bold, in varying degrees.
What I love the most is gently seducing myself into the release of judgment, fear and anger knowing it’s inevitable and that in order to deeply release myself, I must do that. Slowly I do it. I have ways of stoking myself and getting psychically naked before myself too. I get explicit with myself and state out loud what I want and what I am now doing.
I have these mirrors to explore…covered with artifacts of the past, of so much pleasure and karma and self embrace, in my most beautiful moments I lick the mirrors making eye contact with myself. I slowly free what I’ve left for myself, and I absorb it back into my body, gently and pleasurably and searching for my eyes when I remember – meeting them when I can…I remind myself this can be gentle.
The experience I was describing on spirit molecule…from my first experience w/that I understood I would be exploring this as a tool to deepening my thirst-spill-receive experience. I began that night in front of a mirror w/ my friend there half awake and me focusing on myself…testing that water…and over the months experimented and grew closer.
Then one night i decided to go for a deeper experience…a good bit more of it…I had this mirror that’s still on my desk, purchased in Brussels, stainless steel and sleek lines…and spurted all over, from weeks and months before. I got naked and licked some and then went for the pipe…more than i’d ever done…and the wave rose and crashed and as it did my mouth met the glass and met myself again…really nice moment of contact, closer to myself, seeing my eyes and feeling my spit melt into the crust…yet a tease somehow…i knew i needed to go deeper.
Now my taste…indescribable…was coated in my mouth. And I knew I could go deeper so…I did and the wave rose and I caught it earlier…and dove in with my tongue and then opened my eyes and yeah now I was meeting myself, something more direct, the mind in the middle vanishing a little more…I licked hungrily, allowing myself to explore the simultaneous hunger and fulfillment.
I paused for a while. I breathed and settled down, knowing what I was about to do. I rested in that and awareness and felt my existence…and then went for it again. I think I got the most ever, enough to make our current reality into a sheet of clear mylar, rippling with a steady burst of energy and then…vanishing…I had already plunged in, my wet tongue meeting my wet old melting cum as much of it gave way, spilling with a burst of flavor and energy and scent into the crest, carried, carried as I sucked myself cunnilingus like, into the midst of the wave so beautifully crashing. I went down on myself, watching, and swallowed and looked at the new blank swath of the mirror.
All this time fresh seed was collecting inside me. Filling up and encouraged by licking up so many other orgasms. Ready to release; wanting to; happy in the truth that….I squatted over the mirror and watched myself give up control and of any ability to hold back love. I spurted in long streaks and made out with my hot liquid, swallowing and leaving fresh thick streaks.