On Mar 10, 2013, at 7:00 PM, K wrote:
Hi e,
Happy Happy Birthday!
I am thinking of you on your special day.
Hope you are well.
Love and Blessings,
KK
On Mar 14, 2013, at 12:12 AM, Eric Francis wrote:
hi << thanks for your love and blessings. feels good to feel that. i felt your presence a few days before you wrote. that was in the form of the mirror I hadn't looked in since you held it to me, weeks ago. One night I picked it up, and looked into it. The reminder of that same person and reflection I was looking at came into the moment…now held by me…I relaxed into a kind of forgiving pleasure, gazing back from within a golden oval of light framing my eyes and mouth melting into the bravery of your holding it to my face and declaring your space your own. my conscious submission to what you choose, whom, what love, what sharing. the continuing gift of your freedom, knowing how beautiful you are, how deeply you feel. On Mar 14, 2013, at 7:45 AM, K wrote: hi e, I still love you very much and will always love you. "learning to love ourselves is the greatest gift of all" May we each be loved and blessed in all ways on our journeys of growth, awareness, and ascension to higher states of consciousness. Happy soon to be Spring efc. kk hi << learning to love ourselves, I'm not the only one, a space we may all go. underlying bookofblue is a theme of learning to withdraw all forms of sexual aggression, including unwanted desire. i went through a process of feeling the intricacies of my desire and how it was received. i made contact with the element of rape in all penetrative sex, letting myself feel that potential. I recognized contradictions in this, such as many women potentially not agreeing, though kept going deeper into my inquiry. part of the m.celibacy journey has been taking on fully my desire and responsibility for granting gratification - that this be something i not put onto women and therefore never have a reason to be angry for being denied. this was one context of learning to drink myself lovingly and also after letting go, when my desire to drink can diminish or disappear. so through this I have explored making contact with desire and fulfillment as one gesture to myself. through the loving presence of women I've learned to hold that space, till I could hold it on my own - receiving in the space after releasing. craving the healing of that paradox. looking into the gold mirror, I was most of the way there myself, though with the strong recollection of your gesture to me, the profound gift of 'I choose what I choose. You may look at yourself, love yourself. You have yourself for love.' That sensation of a free woman saying no to sex with me but saying yes to me, and encouraging me to say yes to myself. In this space I have begun to enjoy the nuances of nonviolent eroticism. (also healing mommy issues! maybe the same thing! i understand that in a sense I am nursing myself, learning to nourish myself.) my experience with the gold mirror ended delightfully. with one hand I held the mirror and watched my face go all the way through, catching my seed in my closed hand. i throbbed deeply as it had been several days since releasing, and my phantasies melted into moans as I watched my compassionate honesty and brought my love and pleasure onto my face as I watched. my clasped palm filled up…flooded…so much…and I brought my hand to my lips while vibrating in the ripples of pleasure & sucked my milk into my mouth - so much of it and so intimate, flesh to flesh and swallowing. alone with myself. and my mirror…that mirror…so grateful for what you showed me and how and why Return to homepage
