yes I know what you mean. I read what you said with delightful relief. You told me how beautiful I am and invited me to love myself like you love me.
You said yes you can meticulously wash off all those mirrors or you can love yourself in the moment. I want both at once. I go there sometimes.
The thing with witnessed masturbation for me is the fire dance between: this is what I am doing, I cannot believe it…the sensation of embarrassment and loving myself right through the shame…letting go of my self misgivings and diving into my pleasure in one gesture