Journeys (for jane)

yes, diving in lately…giving myself permission and receiving any affirmation that comes my way. I’ve been growing bOb almost nightly for months, so my imagination is stretchy…looking at a lot of photos and some lovely girls have manifested, one of whom I did pictures with yesterday.

then I was here w/myself in the evening. the studio feels neat and open these days. she was the first girl to pose here in a while. later I had the photos, and was getting into her window yes. and then from there, visiting many…in my imagination or by email.

your description on the night out of time soaked right into me. your clear, vibrant imagery and sensation. the part that just wet me…you offering your mouth, and drinking the reward. Such a luscious thing and you’re a pretty pretty one to imagine doing this. I know your face. This is what set me to my mirrors, honey. I had to let go and I made myself naked. I had a mirror and I tasted, tasted, tasted dry old stuff wedged into the corner.

I took a shower and came out wrapped in a towel, which I laid on the rug in front of the mirror altar, where I had cum standing up the prior evening. I haven’t done that in a long time — kneel or stand on the floor mirror. but friday night I did. and I left it there, covered in another mirror (so jonah won’t get it).

I was naked and I licked, laying on my belly. my cum was still wet. there was a lot more of it than I thought there would be. I kept finding new little pools as I explored the surface in the red-lit room. It was cool and a mix of tart and salty. I then found every mirror that I could and one by one tasted each one and put it down on the glass, looking at my selection…collection…this array of mirrors that I’ve cum on repeatedly.

At a certain point I could not intentionally hold back from orgasm and emotionally I knew I could slip in at any moment. I was sitting parallel to the big black mirror…and my altar…and I watched my face and my body move and express as I consciously drew myself into peaking emotionally from the beauty of it all, the sheer nakedness of the moment, my mouth sticky with myself, still melting into my tongue, and I chose a mirror and let out warm gushes of semen that streaked across the surface.

I settled back into myself and breathed…and took this mirror to my desk, where I have my audio setup, and I looked at pictures, played with porno audio (my hew hobby), and delicately tasted and masturbated with my own semen.

emotionally, I was still swirling around the warm, wide vortex of what you shared. I described what I was feeling and visualizing…you naked sucking him. What gorgeous intent. What freedom to know and to see.

Allowing myself to soak in the bold pleasure of loving you right then. I moaned deeply as I spurted again, my breath and voice seized by the rhythm of my contractions, as I spurted into another mirror, the one I started with licking earlier in the night. I licked myself into my mouth, in ‘can’t get enough’ mode…

today all day I resonated with my nascent total acceptance of my sexual orientation…feeling myself from a deep spot around a number of different people and at a café in new paltz. never saying anything outwardly, inwardly feeling the freedom to be this person. all while craving cunt and the sight of a living woman’s face as she explores different curves of her pleasure. with everyone I meet, I wonder who, who at… what (those were typos) will happen, what I will choose. such a delicate edge, as I feel the strength of my core phantasy and the beyond my imagination freedom to express myself and feel and feel free from guilt.

and full of beauty of conscious giving to myself. a friend suggested that I give consciously to myself onto a mirror, as an intentional offering to the future. then, receive consciously. her thought was that this will help me be in equilibrium of offer and receive. make and need. she said this because my mirrors were so licked down from other times she had seen them. this was an exquisitely honest conversation, what pleasure of being understood.

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