at the end of the evening

the essence of the story I’m about to write is: at the end of the evening, I figured out I would be alone, in various ways because my friends had sexual interest in other people. in the mix of that I remembered my persistent phantasy scenario, which is to be surrounded by women who fuck other men. I gently remind myself that I have in a sense envisioned this into being. I remind myself that I can indulge what I crave, which is to be alone and submit to the sexual attractions of the women I love, to their choices. I am walking that line between self-acceptance and the potential to feel not chosen…rejected…

I know the weakness of the emotional lure to go there, and right then I relax and submit into the power of having chosen my experience…the beauty of my gift to myself…my opportunity to let go and embrace my feeling and my desire and pleasure…with each breath I breathe into freedom, into the beauty of your pleasure, your bold, loving affirmation of my self love, you are my witness, you affirm my life and my existence and my relief relaxing into who I am and what I choose

my phantasy of tonight with you was, as you no doubt know, to ask you to gush into my mouth from masturbation. We both know how much I crave cunnilingus, tho that is too much, not what you want, but you will do what you to and for yourself and, when you reach your fulfillment, you will point your stream toward my mouth and I will gulp you. as this starts to happen it will become clear how much I need this and you may be strong in your power to fulfill or deny. you know how much I want to feel all your labia lips press against my face as you spurt. you hold yourself one inch away and say morphed with a breathy moan: if you want to gulp my cum, now’s your chance.

and…in reality…

i am what I relax into…i am the one who is making love to me tonight


instead of cunnilingus i lick my dry cum off of a mirror and it’s so good when i melt off into my mouth and swallow

&at the same time your presence looms on the horizons of thought, deep in your pleasure, where you go so well, your face seen so beautifully & his so gorgeous as he opens up and spills into you

ps i love that

you left me naked in the mirror, and when we met again you had fucked naked and vulnerable your sweet nipples all sweaty and pressed against his chest.