Dear Miss Holmes:
I send this to you on intuition that you would at least be open to the idea, and perhaps offer some feedback, though I understand if you don’t want to represent the project.
I am a mirror masturbator.
I’ve written a narrative of my journey as such. I describe what I do, how I feel and explore why I want to. I began as a child and after making love with many, developed mirroring into my exclusive sex.
One prominent facet of my experience is self semen drinking. I explore the seeming paradox of losing the thirst to do so after ejaculating, and I describe my relationship to this experience.
This describes a pattern of my psyche, something I’ve learned to heal; the healing process is the underlying theme of the book. I’ve read and heard many men describe this, it’s a kind of struggle to receive.
I gradually learned to drink my semen with the help of many women who watched and held space as I learned to receive myself. I also heard them describe their experiences of receiving ejaculations.
One way I do is with my dry semen, which I leave for myself on mirrors and lick back when I am desirous and desperate.
I ejaculate onto mirrors and then take it back into myself. My journey is that what goes on the mirror comes back into my body.
I decided one day that I would refrain from contact sex until I had licked back all of my semen, which I’ve left on many mirrors. The work I will share with you is the diary of that taking-back, and gradually agreeing to make peace with myself.
A central theme in the book is my joy from masturbating to the thought, image or presence of a couple making love. Through these descriptions, I introduce the concept of compersion to my readers.
My core phantasy – a tantric concept – is to mirror masturbate to a couple I love making love. My semen ends up in my mouth and I show them, in a peace offering to myself. I have a special craving for him to see and be aware of and witness my full mouth. The beauty of that is so poignant to me, though I don’t quite understand it.
The writing is in approximately the tone I’m speaking to you now. I do address the theme of the embarrassment I may feel at publishing this intimate of a view of me, for anyone to see. I know I must be willing to submit fully to that embarrassment should I publish the work.
Speaking of see, there are many photographs available, of myself, of the mirrors and of a diversity of models who have participated in the project, which is called Book of Blue.
Thank you for your consideration.
By the way, from the photo on your website you look like a sweet woman though one in command of her life. Your face gave me added encouragement to share with you what I’ve written here.