so….here is how I’m doing masturbation.
my journey these days is to surround myself with women I love and crave, and arrange with them that our sexual relationship is that they fuck and I masturbate. I am exploring a need to be deprived, to experience jealousy and envy, and to create compersion as I do this.
at the midst of my masturbation ritual is drinking my semen, and there is nothing that makes me want, need and crave doing that in a more beautiful way than to engage her as part of the mirror of the couple. I face her fucking and them fucking. I then explore facing the mirror with them in the space, psychically or in rare events, with them present. my mirror, that is. my self.
I am in a healing experience and also pleasure seeking. I am experimenting with drawing my nourishment from myself – exactly what I love to get from cunnilingus. as I go deeper into self nourishment cunnilingus has been changing. it’s been less vibrant as if I am shifting the threshold of fulfillment to myself…as I have long been guiding me. I always want to sniff the cunts of pretty women, all of them and if a certain kind of pretty their asshole too.
I rarely do…it seems to ‘happen less’
now here is the fire walk. being celibate as I intend is always in parallel to the allure of some delightful women. opportunities arise and when they do, I more often take them than not. Tho as I explain my journey to one female friend after the next, we gently close that door and I embrace my posture as one who masturbates to their fucking, and then turns my love inward on myself.
the dance of my semen on and off the mirrors.